I admit it, I am scared; scared of the unknown, scared of change and scared of being hurt.
It’s not that these fears are uncommon, generally for me they would be fears in the back of the mind that you don’t think about all that often or can silence pretty quickly if they arise.
I never thought it would affect me as much as it has but these fears feel magnified when you are in a Long Distance Relationship and are unable to see the one person that just being around would make everything feel ok.
It’s crazy how much your feelings are affected by someone else and their mood and how just knowing when you will next see them helps to keep you sane (mostly, sometimes it drives you nuts).
Confession time; I used to cry a couple of times a year if I got really stressed or tired or someone constantly hurt me and I reached breaking point, this year already I have cried more than that in the past week for seemingly no reason in particular.
As embarrassed as I am when I cry in front of someone (not that there is anything wrong with it), sometimes it happens and the last time it happened they said something along the lines of; It’s ok you are scared. I hadn’t really thought about it until then, but yes deep down I am scared and I think this overwhelms me at times as I am not sure how to control those emotions. I think admitting to it has helped a little. I guess sometimes males are right 😉
It is hard work and is emotionally draining at times but worth it to finally see them and just be with them. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing so long as they are there. (Yes getting sappy, will quit while I’m ahead!).
Side note; Isn’t that pic the cutest!
It has helped me to set a date to finish work here (not official as yet as still a few months out, but I don’t see it changing) and get up there and place a few dates in the calendar when I can get up there (thank you current job for having some work in Auckland!).
My CV has been updated and is with the recruiter and we are going to start actively looking for something in May / June, fingers crossed for something completely awesome please 😉
Ah man, I hear you on ALL of this. But it GETS BETTER! It really does. And you will make it out the other side.
xxx
Thanks hun, I was having a few tough days when I wrote that post and just writing about it helped! Still counting down til when it won’t be an issue though!